Heart Break – When a Party Doesn’t Live Up to the Dream

What most often breaks my heart when I head out and DJ at someone’s 18^th or 21st is when someone goes to so much effort and expense to put on a party on such a special day and then far less people turn up than expected. The poor host is so upset – they have put so much energy, so much emotion into the day and then for one reason or another their guests just don’t show up.

So here are my tips on making sure this doesn’t happen to you!

It’s all about the invitation process!

When I really want people to come to a party I’m organising I try to invite people well in advance and figure out as many reasons and ways as possible to invite people.

Here’s all the different ways that you can let people know that the party is coming up, in the order that I usually do them, starting about 3 months before the party:

Make sure the key people can come before you set the date

Make a short list of the people that you really want to be there and speak to them all individually to find out what days work best for them, and make the party on a day when all or most of them can come. If you let these special people know that you wont be having the party at all unless they can definitely come, they will understand how important it is to you that they are there!

Find out peoples address details

Call them up and say “Hey I’m having a party on such and such a date and I want to post you an invitation – what’s your address and email? This way you have already sort of invited them!

Send them a save the date email

I usually send a save the date email out to let people know when the party is on. Just something very simple that says: Hey, this is the date and time. Stick it in your diary – more amazing details to follow soon!

Post them a formal invitation

A lot of people don’t do this any more – they just email or hand deliver the invitations. I like to post an invitation with a formal RSVP request. I think it lets people know that you really want them to come and that it’s a big deal. It also means you can:

Follow them up by phone

If you send a formal invitation you then have the excuse of following up by phone. I do this for everyone, even the people who say yes. I call the yeses to thank them for coming in advance and to ask them if they need any more info. This adds a personal tough and makes it clear that if they don’t come you will be disappointed. I call the no replies and ask them if they got the invitation. I call the no’s and thank them for letting me know.

Make a facebook event

If you haven’t done the other things then a facebook event probably wont cause people to come, but if you have done the other things then you will find people will use the page to chat to each other about the event. Please don’t just make a facebook event and skip the other more personal invitation steps. It’s a recipe for disaster in my experience!

Interact on the facebook event daily

What makes a facebook event page worthwhile is not the information, it’s the interaction, so put up questions about what people would like to do on the day, if they have any questions etc and then interact with what people say each day or put up some new information or questions – this will engage people in the party day to day.

SMS and facebook message the day before to finalise numbers

This is a great way to remind stragglers or forgetful people about the event without seeming desperate – just text and facebook message to say “Hey, just double checking that you are still in for tomorrow night so we can get the drinks, food, (or whatever) right. Let me know!”.

If you do all of these things then in my experience a lot more people will come.

Above all, don’t decide on how big your party will be until you have firm RSVPs back for your guests – be realistic – if only 10 people are keen don’t stress, just book in for a dinner at your favourite restaurant with the 10 people who really love you – you will have a great time with the people who truly matter. And if you find out that way more people want to come than expected, then you will be able to manage peoples expectations and try to fit the night to your budget so that everyone can have a good time!

iPod, DJ or Band?

 iPod, Band or DJ? I made this up as a pretty poster so its easier to use - enjoy!

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

Shanghai Host With the Most

I hate traveling. But I like learning about the world so I travel internationally a few times each year, mainly for education and conferences or with my partner to have some time for just the two of us.

When I do, I spend a disproportionate amount of time eavesdropping on the conversations that people have with the concierge. I have learned so much about how to be a good listener and a good host from these conversations.

With an hour to kill before the start of a conference in downtown Shanghai this year I found myself a perch on the side of a very expensive smelling leather lounge just to the left side of the concierge desk at the Hyatt on theBund and proceeded to pretend to check my email whilst listening in to the conversations that were going on. I was homesick and quite tired and wanting to hear what the concierge was like before approaching them – I’m a bit shy this way, and also very curious when it comes to observing professional hosts.

There were lots of questions, loud, quiet, urgent, relaxed. One lady wanted to know why the local shop keeper would not accept the local currency she was offering (her money was counterfeit, as it turned out. She was quite embarased!). A young man wanted to know if it was safe to walk around after dark.

But one brief but intense conversation stood out for me: There was a man who was stranded for a few days due to a company meeting being postponed. He was upset and worried, storming about how he now had to change all of his plans and rework his schedule, but within a matter of minutes the concierge had found out the real issue.

My hearty went out to this guy, but more than that I was amazed by the concierge’s communication skill, confidence and style. I’m not sure how this story turned out, but the concierge got a broken man back into action in just a few minutes.

I had to listen so hard they were speaking so quietly. The man was upset but also didn’t want to discuss a personal concern in such a public space. I watched the smartly dressed concierge lean in and get the man’s full attention so he would not notice the thirty or so other people in this vast lobby and he spoke in a tone that rose and fell with the mans shifting emotions. Then he did something really brave. He asked the man what was upsetting him most.

The man lowered his voice and cursed about these #^&^%@$’s who had postponed the meeting and his @$%*$# team back home not preparing well enough and how his whole day would now be spent reorganizing. He was very angry. The concierge listened and was at the same time looking up something on his computer. Once the man was spent, he then asked some more questions.

He asked how long the man had been travelling for, and when he expected to get home. The man said he had been on the road 3 weeks, but then when he considered when he would get home I saw the mans expression change. He visibly paled. The concierge asked another question, a bold one:

“Are your family inconvenienced by your delay, sir?” The man leant forward and just glared at the concierge. I thought he was going to head butt him.

The concierge leant in toward the impending head butt: “A man last week was delayed and missed his anniversary. I helped him make a movie to send to his wife.” The man leant forward further still – the concierge put his hand on the man’s shoulder. I was shocked: he was sort of crying: shaking a little and his breath heaving. No tears, but this man was obviously upset.

People were looking on but the concierge kept the mans attention. “What are you missing at home, sir, I want to help you make this right.” I was listening intently now as the two were speaking in whispers. Finally the man spoke. I’m missing my baby’s special day. I don’t deserve to be a father or a husband.” He was really crying now.

Concierge: “Yes you do, and we are going to prove it. What does your daughter like more than anything?”

“To see her dad – we have been planning her day over the phone.” Now he is angry again.

The concierge is typing – looking things up.

“Sir, how old is your daughter?”

“She will be turning 11.” Now the man is curious.

“Sir, do you have a lot of flier points? You are a good father and husband. Fly her to China. Your company has demanded you stay. Maybe they will fly your wife here as well. Do you want me to call your PA? I can move you from your suite to a twin room and help with an express visa. What does your daughter like to do?”

The man is now in a trance, and I am gob smacked. It’s eerie. Time slows down for me for a few second as I look around. Has anyone else in this whole lobby noticed what just happened here? Apparently not to any great extent. The man stands up really straight. He looks the concierge right in the eye. Then he just asks one question. “Will you be here in two hours?”

“Sir, I will be here for three more hours and I will leave notes for the incoming concierge. If you need anything just call. I can help organize what ever you need.

The man turns and lunges at the arm of his rolling luggage. He catches a glimpse of me smiling over the blank screen on my powered down laptop. He turns back to the concierge, and this time it is his arm reaching out.

“Thank You…”.

“Sir, if you need anything call me.”

How Hotels Ensure that they are the Host with the Most – the role of the Concierge.

You have seen them there so many times, off to the right of the reception desk, waving at bell boys, gesticulating at old men in business suits and bringing up web pages for lost looking Americans all at the same time. They wear a slightly different uniform than the rest of the staff and their badge and collar have some little keys sewn in to them. Those keys are there for a reason.

The Concierge.

Why would the hotel allow someone to just walk in and start telling everyone – staff, guests, cabbies & call girls, what to do? How do they fit in? Why do they exist?

For those of you who prefer to backpack or chill at home, you may have never even noticed this person working away behind their desk.

For those of you who are experienced international hotel users you may know many forms of answer to this question, based of your needs and your experience of travel. For the executive on office visits the concierge is often a trusted ally who knows better that you want you need and how to procure it as you stumble in after another day of lunching for your life. For the professional on a conference perhaps they are your local custom & culture speed coach. For a road warrior the concierge may be your local logistical genius – the Q to your James Bond. And for the style traveler the concierge is your connection and interpreter, plunging you into the real when everyone else wants you to tick off the sights.

For today I’m flipping the concierge question around and asking it from another point of view:

From the point of view of the hospitality industry as a whole, why do concierges exist?

From this point of view there is one main reason: To make the customer primary in an environment that will constantly drive for the customer to be an object.

And this is why I love this role – to me it is the glowing heart of hospitality in an industry that is, I believe the term goes, hyper mature. Hospitality is one of the oldest industries, and as such it has become highly competitive and increasingly technical and structured. In an industry like computer chips this is not such a big deal.

But problem with hyper maturity in hospitality is that although business systems, processes, innovations and offers can be continually improved, people are still people. They don’t always want better, more or best. Very often, as a weary traveler approaches the reception desk all they want is the smell of their partners clothes, the sound of their child’s laughter or the touch of their old pair of slippers. No amount of luxury can provide for these needs.

But the concierge can. And a concierge does. A concierge does something that very few other people in hospitality are asked to do any more. They listen. They seek to understand. Then they challenge and provoke so they can understand even better. And then they deliver. I have the memory; of fireflies dancing, just after dusk, as my wife and I dined on a menu of our on creation, just the two of us, in a gazebo strewn with frangipanis and lit by candles, by the banks of the Ayung river, to prove it.

Next week I’m going to share an experience of a concierge to back up my claims.

Father as Host?

So my wife is pregnant at the moment so I’m thinking about fatherly duties from the point of view of a host.

 

We met our new friend for the first time today on an ultrasound, and it made me very thoughtful about how the future will change for my wife and I and also how much I will learn about being a great host. A young person is the ultimate guest – fully expressed and themselves at all times, without much care for their effects on others, and so for me is a great personal study in my ability top be a great host, right there in the moment for the changing needs of both my partner and my new friend.

This is just a thought that being a father / partner during pregnancy is a really cool type of hosting because you are always the indirect helper not the centre of attention, which for me exemplifies the role of the host – always there but never the focus, and always present in the moment ready to help out but never fussing around and insisting people feel or behave a certain way.

Ive been thinking as I make Sarah cheese on toast for the 3^rd time of an afternoon or as I say goodnight to the little person in her belly, how much of a host a father really is – always present and providing but just supporting and guiding, never insisting things be done a certain way, but rather running alongside and responding to and cushioning the changes that life throws our way for the rest of the team.

 I guess I will learn as I go, like any diligent father and any compulsive host!

iPod, Dj or Band?

 

I’m having a party, I want some music and entertainment to make the event more fun and memorable and I need to decide what to do about that!

So I need to answer the following questions and then based on my responses, check out the options 1-6 below – this allows me to make the best choice for my party based on my needs!

            

      

Based on your needs from the guide above, find your number below – this is the best advice for you at this stage in your planning!

Advice: Based on your needs and concerns for the party, it looks like your expectations of the entertainment are higher than the budget you have allocated to achieve the result you want. Seriously consider how much budget you are allocating for entertainment – at this stage you are at serious risk of the party not going the way you have planned and all of your hard work and effort being wasted because you have not allocated enough funds for the entertainment you will need to provide to know that your guests are going to have a great time!

Actions: Reallocate money from other spending (venue, food, alcohol, invitations, event coordination), to entertainment, or seek more funding from other people who want your party to be a success.

 

Advice: You and your people are easily pleased and are happy to groove along to some tunes, but its not the main focus of the event so there is no need to spend too much time and money on entertainment. You might want to hire in a sound system so that its loud enough but other than that get your play list together in iTunes and get ready to party!

Actions: Program the songs you want into an iTunes play list, and listen to it while you are doing other things at home or at work to see if it’s the right mood and that all the songs are complete and clear. Then get a sound system that will be loud enough – one from your existing stereo, or a hired one if you want it be louder or you are worried about your guests blowing up your speakers. Then test the iPod adaptor with your sound system before the party to make sure it works!

 

Advice: You want to party, your budget is tight and its not going to be the end of the world if there are few glitches or dramas on the day. So save your money and get a mate who is keen and able to DJ for you. Remember that they are just a mate helping you out so don’t be too hard on them if they have a few sound problems, the music starts a bit late, they get drunk and go a bit crazy with the songs and volume level or they make some inappropriate but hilarious gags on the microphone during the speeches. You and your crew are happy go lucky, so this will make for a fun time for everyone involved!

Actions: Organise for a mate to do the DJing and make sure they have an assistant in case they are sick or delayed on the day. Find out if they can MC as well, and if not organise an MC as well. Brief them both about how important the day is to you and the other guests and make sure they are definitely up for the responsibility. Give them a list of you and the rest of the guest’s favourite songs so they can get the right music together. Give them a basic running sheet for the event – when it starts and ends, when the key bits will happen (speeches, toasts etc). Organise a sound system for them to use and make sure someone is there to set it up and test it out the day before or early on the day to make sure its all working. If there are key songs that must work on the day, burn them on to a CD and test it on the sound system before that party.

 

Advice: You want to have some memorable entertainment but you have a strict budget. You want a live music feel and you aren’t too worried if it doesn’t all go to plan what you want is for people to have a good time and for your friends to be able to make the night great without having to spend too much money. This will make for a very friendly affair without too much formality that wont be cookie cutter perfect but also will be very personal to you and your guests.

Actions: Meet with the leader of the band and work together wit them to figure out how the entertainment will work for both the band and the guests. Ensure that the band members can MC and if needed organise a MC for the night. Organize for the band to come to your home or the venue and rehearse with you (and the MC if separate to the band) in attendance so you can all make sure everyone is on the same page and that the set up works in the party space you have arranged. Then create a basic running sheet for the event so that everyone knows when the key things are happening. Organise for them to sound check several hours before the event starts so they have plenty of time to address any last minute sound hassles.

 

Advice: You want a modern, professionally run party with a wide range of music and someone experienced making sure that everything runs smoothly both during the preparation and on the night and you think its worth investing in making sure the event runs perfectly and that people have a fun and memorable time. It is important to you that things are done well as you know that your guests will really appreciate and remember the party if the entertainment, MCing, hosting and music are of the highest quality.

Actions: Find a DJ or DJ company who you know are good based on a recommendation or your personal experience and book the DJ in for your day, ensuring that they can MC, unless you have a separate MC organised. Give the organizer a list of the music you and your guests like and all the details of the party including a running sheet. Meet with the DJ either by phone or in person to make sure they have all of the details and clearly understand your vision for the event. Mark in your diary to confirm with the DJ 1 week prior to your event to double check that all is well in the week leading up to the party.

 

Advice: You want to create a strong memory for your guests and make sure that everyone has a great time on the night. You are willing to invest in a professional entertainment experience for your nearest and dearest and it is important to you that everyone who comes appreciates that you are willing to go to great lengths to make sure they have a memorable experience. You are not so concerned with making sure everything is ultra smooth and that people can get exactly the song they want to dance to, preferring to create a powerful experience that is driven by the entertainers on the stage rather than your guests. This will be a party to remember.

Actions: Decide on the band you want and go and see them live at a gig. Speak to the lead singer during a set to see how they will treat your guests on the night and then if they pass this test speak to the whole band during a break to see if they are available for private gig and get their details. Speak with the leader of the band and find out if they are available on the day of your event and then communicate your vision for the day to them to see how they respond. If they are still interested, send them a list of the songs you think you and your gests will enjoy most as well as a basic running sheet for the day and the details of the location and the contact there so they can liaise regarding set up and pack up. Find out of the lead singer can MC, and if not organise an MC. Mark in your diary to confirm with the band 2 weeks before the day to check that all is well leading up to the event so that you will have time to make alternative arrangements if anything goes wrong. If you are ultra cautious you may want to also organise an iPod as a back up (see option 2)